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Monday, February 09, 2004

summary since last entry: wilks went to conference with us. we put on a GREAT show! conference was AWESOME! i had a fabulous time! at the closing they announced the scholarship winners...and valton, kristin and johanna all got scholarships!!! yay for them! they also announced the members of the first ever all star technical crew! guess who got one of the 9 slots? yeah...me. crazy, huh? SO FUN!!! really...it was a blast!


aaaannnnnnnddddd now on to my random vent:
ahhhhh!!! i just don't know what else i can do! ever reach that point where you feel like you've given all you can? that point where you can honestly say you've tried your best...but things still haven't worked out? yeah, that's where i am. short of going back in time and taking back what i did...i can't do anything more. i've reached the point where i've realized that i can't fix this. i can't make it all better. i've finally got to let it go. and maybe...one day things will be okay again. the only really sad thing here is knowing that i single-handedly messed this up. that there's no one else to blame here but myself. i guess it's only fair now that i'm hurting too...

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

in the most sincere meaning: OH. MY. GOD. i thought if i made it through yesterday i'd be ok, and the the hardest part of my hell week (literal week) would be over. well, to start things off...i had to be in three places AT THE SAME TIME after school today. i had a mandatory thespian meeting, a peer helper meeting, and i was supposed to be shooting a scene for my movie. well, i went to the mandatory thespian meeting first. when i got there mr. hampton was saying "i don't wanna hear about any of you having other places to be. if you're going to conference tomorrow...you MUST stay." so yeah...i stayed. and my life became that much more stressful. CRISIS! mr. hampton announced that wilks (the director of the show we're doing at conference) had to go to the hospital and there's the distinct possibility that she won't be at conference with us this weekend. basically, Spoon River is my show. and, i don't know if i can handle it. the cast started freaking out, and to be quite honest, i wanted to. but, i feel like i need to take my own advice and "be brave when others need you to be". the cast doesn't need me to freak out. but...omg! i mean, i'm calling/working lights on a light board i've never seen with no programmed cues. i won't be able to verbally cue sound. wilks won't be there. how am i gonna handle it? do they think i can? or are they thinkin' they're screwed bc i'm in the lead now? bleck! they all seemed so worried. i really need to do something to calm their nerves. but what? someone brought up the fact that they need wilks' pep talks...i was thinking that i should put some thought into a pep talk for them. i just don't know. but i've gotta hold it together for them. pray for the cast and crew of Spoon River...


holla!

in the most sincere meaning: OH. MY. GOD. i thought if i made it through yesterday i'd be ok, and the the hardest part of my hell week (literal week) would be over. well, to start things off...i had to be in three places AT THE SAME TIME after school today. i had a mandatory thespian meeting, a peer helper meeting, and i was supposed to be shooting a scene for my movie. well, i went to the mandatory thespian meeting first. when i got there mr. hampton was saying "i don't wanna hear about any of you having other places to be. if you're going to conference tomorrow...you MUST stay." so yeah...i stayed. and my life became that much more stressful. CRISIS! mr. hampton announced that wilks (the director of the show we're doing at conference) had to go to the hospital and there's the distinct possibility that she won't be at conference with us this weekend. basically, Spoon River is my show. and, i don't know if i can handle it. the cast started freaking out, and to be quite honest, i wanted to. but, i feel like i need to take my own advice and "be brave when others need you to be". the cast doesn't need me to freak out. but...omg! i mean, i'm calling/working lights on a light board i've never seen with no programmed cues. i won't be able to verbally cue sound. wilks won't be there. how am i gonna handle it? do they think i can? or are they thinkin' they're screwed bc i'm in the lead now? bleck! they all seemed so worried. i really need to do something to calm their nerves. but what? someone brought up the fact that they need wilks' pep talks...i was thinking that i should put some thought into a pep talk for them. i just don't know. but i've gotta hold it together for them.


holla!

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

ack! i think that pretty much sums up how i feel these days. there's so much goin' on...and...woah buddy i'm NOT handlin' it well. ok...now for my random vent of the day:

people are inconsiderate. and this frustrates me to no end! why is it that no one ever considers how their actions will affect the lives and feelings of other people? i just don't understand it. i also don't understand how it is that someone would knowingly screw their so-called "best friend" over in such a manner. it's beyond me. if you happen to be reading this and you know me and know the situation of which i'm speaking, you should also know that i love both the people involved in this situation dearly. they're fabulous and i love being able to call them my friends, but geez! THINK BEFORE YOU ACT! especially when making decisions that don't influence just you.

and while i'm on a roll...you wanna know what i love? i love it when people use you. i mean, there's no better feeling in this world than knowing you're being taken advantage of. take for example, someone i know, who will remain nameless. you wanna know how often i've heard from this person since school started? uh...about 7 times. each time...i approached her. it kills me, and you wanna know why? 'cause as soon as she need something, or needs someone to have her back, who's gonna get the call? yeah, it's me. and who will pretend like nothing was ever wrong and run to her rescue? yeah, that'd be me again. will i ever stop running to her aid, or the aid of the countless other "friends" of mine? no. i'll keep helping, and keeping doing for them until i die. me and my dumb misguided hero complex.



holla!

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